Stupid Slogans

The following slogans were personally culled by me for being meaningless, misleading or downright funny.

It seems that too many Corporations spend way too much time and money thinking up slogans that a) sound good and b) are utterly meaningless. Enjoy!

  • Committed to the dignity of life (Batesville Casket Company). Who are they kidding? They are committed to the dignity of death!
  • They do so much more (University Hospital). More than whom? Comparative slogans that do not compare are meaningless – perhaps intentionally so.
  • Together we improve more lives (Metro United Way). Than whom? Another comparative with no comparison.
  • We love to see you smile (McDonald's). Then why are so many of your employees so miserable?
  • A Genuine Chevrolet. Is there any other kind? Can I have a fake one, please?
  • Refresh your thirst (Coca-Cola). I don't want to refresh it – I want to extinguish it, you idiots.
  • You Got it/Eat Great even late/You gotta eat – Proof that fast food addles your brain to the point where proper grammar is impossible.
  • 100% Guaranteed Gasoline (Thornton's) – What, exactly, does this mean? Does mean that they guarantee that the gasoline is 100%? Or do they guarantee 100% of their Gasoline? Or is their Gasoline is 100% Guaranteed? Do tell…
  • Johnson & Johnson – a family company. Why do they keep telling us this? Surely the products speak for themselves?
  • Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. On the golf course, more like.
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