Just Say No

It’s that time of the year again. The time that women anticipate and men dread.

Yes folks, it’s Valentine’s day.

All of the decent restaurants have booked up solid for weeks or months in advance. All of the flower-sellers are rubbing their hands together and tripling their prices. And the greeting-card stores are celebrating the bumper crop of yet another Hallmark Holiday selling all kinds of pointless rubbish at vastly overinflated prices (seriously, how can you justify charging $4+ for a folded piece of card?).

But wait! There’s more! When I was growing up, V-day was celebrated by couples. Now here are V-cards for mothers, fathers, children… the list is endless. As my God-son would say “Whas that ‘posed to mean?”. It’s almost like getting a V-day card is some kind of human right.

I have nothing to prove, and I refuse to be dictated to by the culture. Ladies, here’s a newsflash: Men *hate* V-day. We hate the endless testing and the entitlement mentality that I see emanating from so many women this time of year. We hate the way women expect us to run around like rats in a proverbial maze trying to prove our love by trying to live up to some sort of ritual female-devised test.

So I’m not playing. And Her Ladyship agrees with me. We have been together for long enough that we are beyond playing games, and she isn’t impressed by V-day shenanigans. We don’t do flowers or restaurants – neither of us likes crowds, and neither of us are into the herd mentality.

I got her a card a few days ago. Not because I had to, but because I felt like it. I almost didn’t – most of the cards on sale are crap, but I was lucky enough to find a nice one at the third place I looked. How is it that you can buy a card featuring Duck Dynasty’s ZZ Top rejects, but I couldn’t find one with the Patron Saint of Lurve, Pepe La Pew? The collapse of Western civilization can hardly be far away.

V-day is proof that men do not rule the world. If they did, this flummery would soon be declared illegal and replaced with something a little more appropriate. I exhort men to join me in my boycott of this tomfoolery. Just say “I’m not doing Valentine’s day again. It’s stupid.”. And if she starts yammering, ask yourself who is really in charge here.

Consider it a test of your masculinity.