Attraction for Dummies

Hold tight folks, things are about to get politically incorrect…

Over the past few years I have become something of a relationship hacker. I have observed the actions of others, and the consequences of those actions. I have seen plenty of thoughtless stupidity — mostly from men — and delusional rationalization — mostly from women.

Over the past century, the average age of first marriage has gone up by about ten years. In Grand-dad’s day, a young woman would go from her father’s house to the altar and then on to home, hearth and family. In these enlightened days, however, women are encouraged to avoid early marriage at all costs, get an education, become independent and generally “find themselves”, before seeking marriage… if they feel like it.  This is generally thought of as a good thing, but I wonder if it really is; after all, marriage has become disposable, and women seem to be a lot less happy than they used to be…

The Economics of Attraction

We all have standards. There are things that we find attractive, and things that we simply don’t. But some of the lists that women come up with are unrealistic in the extreme. This is partly because most women overestimate their attractiveness to men, and partly because during her prime years or attractiveness, (16-28), women enjoy awesome power and a plethora of options. The more attractive she is, the more attention she will receive and the more discerning she will have to be.

However, what Mother Nature provides most bounteously, Father Time takes away with alacrity. Gravity and birthdays will inevitably conspire to reduce their power to command the attention of men and rob them of options. Men stop noticing them, pursuing them and making a fuss of them. But like the proverbial boiling frog, they are often slow to realize this until it is too late. As one wag put it: “Cinderella has arrived late to the ball, only to find Prince Charming has long since departed, and all that is left is a few middle-aged peasants leering at her from the punchbowl.” By the time most women go shopping for a husband, they have acquired the skills that will make them girlfriend material but lost the qualities that would make them good wife material. And then they are surprised when men turn away from marriage.

Did you hear that sound? I think someone’s head just exploded.

What men find attractive.

We’ve all seen the lists that women compile, but two can play at that game. Here is a very good one for men:

“…ideal Beauty can vary depending on culture, but there are still certain physical features in women that carry across most cultures: a feminine face with strong facial symmetry, large breasts, a low waist-to-hip ratio, smooth and unblemished skin, etc. Beauty is essentially a purely visual attribute,  indeed well over 95% of that which men use to determine the attractiveness of a woman falls under visual Beauty… the remaining features which determine attractiveness include how the woman smells, what her voice sounds like, and what her body feels like to the touch.”

Someone recently tweeted two graphs, ostensibly taken from a prominent dating site: The first graph shows what women consider to the the perfect age for a man:

Age Graph for men“My age plus or minus five years”

The second was what men consider the perfect age for a woman:

 Age Graph for women“twenty-one plus or minus three years”

What is amazing to me is that the person who tweeted the graphs described them as “disturbing”. I can only surmise that it must have been a woman, as I, like most men, found them a statement of the obvious. The fact is that a twenty-one-year-old-“hottie” will be lusted after by pretty much every male she meets — from thirteen-year-old boys whose hormones have just dropped all the way up to ninety-nine-year-old-geezers on their deathbeds. Some people (i.e., older/less attractive women) don’t like this, which is understandable. But just like the female predilection for cute shoes and drama, the male sex drive is not up for negotiation, and they are simply arguing with biology. Most women prefer men who are tall, strong, confident, dominant and independent, but get upset when men chase after women who are young, slim, pretty, submissive and vulnerable. You can’t argue with biology, and you can’t negotiate attraction.

What is annoying is that some are seeking to criminalize unwanted behavior — there are actually folks out there who want any kind of unwanted advances to be labeled as “harassment”. The problem with that is the difference between “cool” and “creepy” behavior is simply one of attraction, and as such, is highly subjective and arbitrary. Any law which keeps bad/undesirable men from approaching a woman will also keep the hot/attractive guys away as well. Good luck with that…

You. Me. Lunch

In conclusion, a few sayings that to mind:

  1. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder“. This means he decides how attractive you are. Not you, your friends, or the media.
  2. Self Praise is no recommendation” Women talking about how “hot” they are automatically lose points.
  3. Beauty = Fertility + Love” My own work, I believe, but it explains why a man will remain attracted to a woman after her looks are gone. It also explains why divorced women find it much harder than they expected to get a date — her husband’s treatment of her may have caused her to inflate her value. As a bonus, it also has the added effect of making certain people’s heads explode.
  4. Men age like wine. Women age like milk“. Dunno where i heard this one, but the more I ruminate on it, the truer it becomes.
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