Fat of the Land

Earlier this week, I walked over to a nearby eatery to get some breakfast. As I reached the door of the establishment, I noticed a couple of women coming up behind me. Being the chivalrous fellow that I am, I held the door open for them and let them go before me.

Big mistake. They made a beeline for the counter, then stopped and started chatting with each other about something inconsequential. Then they checked their phones while the sole cashier looked apologetically at me.

A couple of minutes went by while these two women – who happened to be white and somewhat large – yattered on about something-or-other and tried to make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. I knew what I wanted. The cashier smiled at me, I nodded back.

Finally I could bear it no longer. I turned on my heel and left. No fuss, no bother, I just walked out, thinking to myself that these women had no business being in a restaurant unless they worked there, given the extra poundage that they were carrying.

In entirely unrelated news, I just realized that this week was Fat Shaming Week. Who knew?

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Just stumbled across this piece. “Feds Wonder Why Fat Girls Can’t Get Dates“.

To my amazement, more than half a million dollars was allocated in grants to explore why overweight obese fat girls lose out in the dating arena.

To those of us up here in the cheap seats, the answer is obvious: The vast majority of men do not find overweight obese fat women attractive. There. I said it. Let the games begin… If you don’t believe me, just look at the contortions and poses that overweight obese fat girls go to in order to hide their true size in their online profile photos.

For those who need to know — or care — here is a brief guide to what men find attractive in women.

• Slim
• Hourglass figure (waist-to-hip ratio is more important than size)
• Long Hair
• Good teeth/nice smile
• Smooth skin/symmetrical features.
• Few piercings/fewer or no tattoos
• Friendly/good-natured

After reading the above, I am sure several heads of women wearing comfortable shoes exploded. But that’s the way it is. You can howl and yowl and argue and complain all you like, but you can’t argue with biology anymore than men can argue with the Hallmark Channel, selfies and attention-seeking on Facebook (which is why we don’t bother). So let me acquaint you with the underlying biological reality.

At the back of every man’s brain dwells a caveman, whom we shall call Mister Ug. Now Mister Ug is biologically wired to reproduce as efficiently as possible by coupling with as many fertile women as he can. To this end, he is able to visually identify a female from about a mile away by her walk.

Naturally Mister Ug wants the best mothers for his offspring, so he will seek out the healthiest women he can find. Long hair is a good indicator of good health. Short, lank, damaged or no hair shows poor health. Same goes for smooth, unblemished skin. An hourglass figure signifies the win-win of (relatively) easy delivery of babies, and free food, and a slim waist is in indication for a healthy metabolism.

Yes, modern society, culture and, dare I say it, Feminism has made numerous attempts to kill off Mister Ug, but it is an effort that is bound for failure, as Mister Ug, the ancestor of all action heroes, refuses to die; it will be a long, long time before they can entirely wash away half a million years of biological best practices.

In the meantime, ladies, put down the donuts, lay off the chocolate, leave the cake alone (the cake is, after all, a lie). cut out the sugars and starches, avoid junk food, and learn to cook real food from scratch.

And if your butt is wider than you want it to be, stay out of restaurants unless you work there.

Can I have my half-million dollars now?