I paid little attention when Ray Rice, the Football player, got plastered all over the news earlier this year for beating up his girlfriend, Janay, and the media went nuts; I do not follow sports and celebrity gossip means nothing to me.
When the infamous elevator video was released – in which he dragged her unconscious body around like a sack of potatoes – I remember having two curious thoughts:
- What, exactly, did *she* do to provoke that kind of reaction from *him*?
- It can’t have been that bad – she married him afterwards, didn’t she?
When I was a boy, my brother and I used to fight, as boys are wont to do. Since I was far bigger than he, my parents instructed me “Don’t hit your brother”, as parents are wont to do. One sunny afternoon, we were playing in the garden when he started hitting me. At first I ignored him, but eventually I gave him a half-hearted swat. He immediately went running indoors with tears in his eyes “Muuuuuuum! He hit me! Tell ‘iiim!”.
Fortunately for me, our mother had seen the entire production and called him out on it. His crocodile tears dried up with alacrity, and he said “You didn’t say I couldn’t hit him”.
That is the unfortunate state of affairs between men and women in the western world today. Women are allowed to hit men with impunity, but the moment he even attempts to defend himself, he is immediately in the wrong. When Solange Knowles blatantly assaulted Jay-Z in that that infamous elevator video, he made no attempt to defend himself; he knew that if he had done so, he would be up on charges – and Solange knew that as a woman she was effectively immune from criticism. Had the situation been reversed, he would have been arrested and incarcerated as a matter of course.
So much for “equality”.
Indeed, thanks to the “Violence Against Women Act” (VAWA) passed during the Clinton Administration, police officers in many areas are instructed to routinely arrest the man in Domestic Violence disputes – even if he is clearly the victim.
Let me stop right here and state clearly that I do not condone domestic violence. However, there are two sides to every story; three, if you include “The Truth”. But statistics show that the majority of Domestic Violence incidents are started by the woman. A fundamental lesson of manhood is “Never start a fight – but always finish it”. But what’s a man to do if the aggressor is a woman?
Returning to the Ballad of Ray and Janay, she recently aired her side of the story… and that’s when the truth came out:
Ray and I were bickering. We were drunk and tired… As we were arguing… I went to reach for his phone, and when he grabbed it back, he spit at me and I slapped him… We got into the elevator and what happened inside is still foggy to me. The only thing I know – and I can’t even say I “remember” because I only know from what Ray has told me – is that I slapped him again and then he hit me…. The next thing I do recall is being in the casino lobby, surrounded by cops.
Aaaand there it is… the cold hard truth – she hit him first.
The man-haters out there would like to believe that woman good, man bad. But contrary to much of the yammering in the media, most men do not go through life looking for an excuse to hit women. In fact, most men have a protective instinct towards woman – an instinct which, I have found out from personal experience, some women simply do not appreciate.
Another thing that too many women do not appreciate is the fundamental nature of men. We have been designed and sculpted by evolution to confront and overcome danger and adversity. We still have that Cave-dweller living in our heads. And when we are roused to action, adrenaline multiplies our strength, sharpens our reflexes and short-circuits our thinking process to the singular task of fighting – to the death if necessary.
But being hard-wired for fight-or-flight is not much use when confronted by sharp-tongued, confrontational, aggressive or nagging women. Walking away is cowardice, hitting them, as we have already established, is abuse. So what’s a man to do?
Interestingly, nagging, haranguing, annoying behavior is not a crime – unless a man does it to a woman, in which case it is relabeled “Psychological abuse”, and it’s off to jail with you, Sir.. For too many women this is Standard Operating Procedure. For too many men it is “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.
One lamentable side-effect of the climate of fear and stress in which we live is that men are now actively suppressing the natural urge to help women, because too many men have found themselves jailed, injured or dead for “doing the right thing”. We men are now learning that discretion is often the better part of valor – to the detriment of women everywhere.
Let’s deconstruct the logic here:
- Man hits man twice his size and gets knocked out = Idiot.
- Woman hit man THREE times her size and gets knocked out = Victim.
How’s that equality stuff working out for you, ladies?
- Rule 1: A gentleman never hits a lady.
- Rule 2: A woman who hits a man is not a lady. She therefore cannot claim the protection of Rule 1.
Here’s a revolutionary idea: if you want your man to act like a gentleman, learn to act like a lady.
A man instinctively knows not to pick a fight with another man twice his size. Yet thanks to the laws of the land and the current political climate, a woman can pick a fight with a man three times her size who is capable of easily killing her with one blow, safe in the knowledge that she can put him in jail if he retaliates or even tried to defend himself.
Whoopi Goldberg made this surprisingly commonsensical point on “The View” (to the annoyance of the female presenters, and to the delight of the mostly-female audience) and this is one of the few times that I have ever agreed with her on anything.
Ladies, the lesson is a simple one: Don’t Poke the Bear.