Or: why my marriage is better than yours
I don’t often discuss details of my personal life in this blog; it is intended to be a commentary on the currents of the culture and not the diary of a teen-aged drama-queen. Besides, I prefer to remain quasi-anonymous, as it makes it easier to concentrate on the issues. However, the subject of marriage — what it once was and what it has become — is one that is dear to my heart. Since I have been married just over twenty-eight years, this is a subject on which I have no small authority.
I just finished reading “Men on Strike“, by Dr. Helen Smith, and was amazed at her ability to explain the current marriage crisis in plain English. While Dr. Helen refers to it as a “Strike”, it really isn’t; she uses the word purely as a theatrical flourish. The general theme of the book is that an increasing number of men in Western society are avoiding marriage; not out of coordinated political action (we leave that to the Feminists and their primary tool of weaponized nagging), but out of a simple rational decision process based on enlightened self-interest.
In spite of this, I am still happily married to my first love — and my last romance — after nearly three decades.
I was born and raised in England, growing up in the 1970s and 1980s. Possessing a unique and unusual cultural background, I didn’t really fit in with the cultural blocs in that society. As a result, I always felt a sense of isolation; I was not a social person (a shortcoming that has since been remedied), and found it difficult to meet people, particularly girls. Growing up, I had an uneasy feeling that I would not find a worthy wife in the land of my birth. to quote Treebeard in the Lord of the Rings: “I am not on anybody’s side, as no-one is on my side”.
In my early twenties, I took a trip to the land from whence my parents came; a third world country that possessed idyllic weather, the finest beaches I have ever seen, and the most beautiful women in the world. While I was there, I spotted a hot nineteen-year-old, and with help from my family, I tracked, pursued and bagged that lovely creature, much to the chagrin of lesser mortals who thought that they were in with a chance. A year later, we were married. there were a total of nine people at our wedding. Some of you may sneer at that, but I really don’t care, because studies have shown that the more you spend on the wedding, the higher your likelihood of divorce.
There might be something to that, because we just celebrated our twenty-eighth anniversary.
Me Tarzan, you Jane
I work, she stays home. That’s the way it is, and with respect to KC and the Sunshine band: “That’s the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it (uh-huh uh-huh)“. It has always been our long term plan. This is not to say that I oppose women in the workplace; she had a job for most of the eight years that we lived in England before moving to the States in 1995, but those were jobs, not a career. While a little extra money would not go amiss, she brings far more value and quality to my life by staying home than she would if she worked. She does not have a college education, and yet she is the smartest woman I know. She is truly a Proverbs 31 woman. But then I would say that; I’m biased, and proudly so.
Our home is an oasis of calm and tranquility from the slings and arrows of a tumultuous, tempestuous world. In many ways our home is a spiritual sanctuary. We rarely go on vacation; our home life is so enjoyable, we don’t feel the need to “get away from it all” as much as others may. The overwhelming majority of the food we eat is home-cooked from scratch; I cannot remember the last time I had a frozen meal that came out of a box. People say that we look impossibly young for a couple with over a quarter-century of marriage under our belts. I credit her with my health, my youth and my creativity.
We may never be as wealthy as our two-income friends, but we are content.
(This concludes part 1. Part 2 is here)