Real Twaddle

Once in a while you see a video that is so full of crap that you cannot remain silent

 

This whole “Real Man™” thing is quite laughable, and is a creation of women.

Women dream of “finding that special someone” – and there is nothing wrong with that… but all too often they have a list of non-negotiable qualities (must be tall, handsome, confident, brave, bold, charming, adventurous, generous, honorable..), that said list only increases in length as they get older and their charms (and options) fade.

If that wasn’t bad enough, women are actively putting off marriage, effectively sacrificing it on the altar of career. Too many times they hit the big three-oh and — shock horror — find that not only can they not get the men that they want, but the ones they rejected in the past for the most trivial of reasons (“he’s too short” “his eyes are too close together”) are now off the market, or looking past them to younger, hotter, tighter models. What follows looks a lot like the five stage of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Acceptance… and Cats. Don’t be that girl.

At the same time, the kind of men that they are looking for (fit, healthy and affluent) are starting to realize their value. What then follows is a game of musical chairs throughout their thirties and forties. By fifty, it is a bloodbath with dozens of women chasing each “eligible” man… only to find that he is chasing girls ten or even fifteen years younger.

So how does a girl marry once and for life? Here is my advice, based in observation and personal experience:

  1. Marry Young: These days, women are putting off marriage into their thirties, a point at which their most fertile and attractive years are behind them. And they are shocked to find that the men that they want don’t want them. Bottom line: Give us the best years of your life (your twenties, and anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise is either competition or is trying to sell you something), and we will give you the rest of ours.
  2. Be Chaste: Statistically speaking, a virgin bride has a 96% chance of reaching her tenth wedding anniversary. Add one pre-marriage sex partner and that probability drops to 76% (comparison: for a man to experience the same twenty-point drop, he has to have seventeen partners). Add nine more notches to her gun-belt and the probability of a ten-year marriage drops to 15%. Mathematics doesn’t care whether you like it or not.
  3. Grow your hair long: “You look so much nicer with your hair cut short”, said no man, ever. Yes, it is hard work, and yes, it is convenient — but then, so is growing old alone. Your move.
  4. Dress to impress…: Walk around the typical supermarket and you will see them out in force: young women wearing ugly shoes (crocs/uggs/flipflops), sweats, and that disgusting pineapple hairstyle that is the hallmark of the lazy woman. The good news is that with such low standards everywhere, it is easy to stand out: Proper shoes (with a heel) and a nice flowing dress. And for heaven’s sake, do something with your hair.
  5. …but don’t overdo it: Too many women confuse “sexy” and “beautiful”. If you dress like a stripper, don’t get annoyed when we treat you like one. A Real Man™ wants you to be his personal slut, so save the lingerie, booty shorts, tank tops and thongs for his eyes only.
  6. Don’t be fat: This is huge, if you’ll pardon the pun. Too many (about two-thirds) are overweight. Excess poundage in women kills attraction in men in the same way that shortness in men does for women.
  7. Be nice: Too many women confuse “strength” with being bold, brash, brassy, bossy or bitchy. Being able to belch, fart and cuss like a man may seem to work for a while, but it will drive the “Real Men™” away; to them, “Strong and Independent” looks a lot like “Annoying and Irritating”. Instead, concentrate on feminine strength. Kindness, respect, vulnerability… men are drawn to these. “If you want to attract a gentleman, behave like a lady“.
  8. Be Honest: Too many women try to become what the man wants. If you have to pretend to be the woman he wants to marry, the marriage will not work.
  9. Be Humble: Entitlement is another attraction killer. If you want a man who will lead you, be prepared to follow. If you want a man who is willing to die for you, be prepared to live for him.

A “Real Man™” won’t settle for leftovers. We want you at your best, and won’t settle for anything less. We want to be your first love, not your last resort.

Advertisements
Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: