Barking up the Wrong Tree

This one’s been a long time coming…

The title of the video says it all. “Why Ms Independent can’t find Mr. Right“. There’s the rub; Mr Right isn’t looking for Ms. Independent. He isn’t looking for “Mizz” anything. He is looking for Miss Young, kind, feminine, selfless, and slender. Let’s cut to the tape…

0:05 “Founder of I’m-sick-of-single dot com…”. But… you’re… still… single! Right out of the gate she shows how unqualified she is to give this advice. Why are single women taking advice on marriage from other single women? Come back when you’ve been married for a decade. Maybe then you will have an opinion worth listening to.

0:17 She then shows her true colors with a shout-out to “all my Independent women“. Ladies, quality men do *not* want an “independent woman”. They want a kind, caring, feminine woman who adds value to their life.

0:30 She follows it up with a rambling rant about how women wait on men, with the inference that they shouldn’t have to. Fair point. In a perfect world, women would approach men and ask for the date. I have no problem with that. But they don’t. Why not? Because they don’t want to. Why not? Because women are risk-averse, and rarely, if ever open themselves up to rejection. At risk of sounding sexist, that’s our job.

1:13 “The reason you can’t find Mister Right is not because you’re not beautiful…”. Um, yes it probably is. The sad truth is that most women are attractive enough to marry for about twelve years. Deep down, I think most women understand this, which might explain their stampede for the altar as 30 looms. After that they are attractive enough for commitment-free sex for about another twelve. After that, we’re simply not interested in you anymore, and you have to take what you can get.

1:41 The Scripture reference that she quoted (Proverbs 18:22, in case you were wondering) is disingenuous. She is cherry-picking one verse of scripture and taking it out of context. The flaw in her logic is that she is assuming that every woman is wife material; but there are many verses of scripture that debunk this: for instance  Proverbs 31: “An excellent wife who can find?” confirms that good wives are valuable and RARE. Another is Proverbs 30:20, which speaks to the deceit that so many women practice. This is laugh-out-loud funny; tell women that most men are not husband material and they will enthusiastically agree. But tell them that most of them are not wife material, and one of them will probably get angry enough to run a key down the side of your car.

2:00 “The courage to Flirt First” – Good point. But she fails to point out that the number-one reason why men no longer approach is… other women. Most of us have watched other men’s lives ruined by a vengeful female. Did you really think that #MeToo would not come with unintended consequences?

Also, if you are trying to find a man, get off your phone. I have heard men referring to a woman’s phone as her “digital boyfriend”, and we tend to assume that a “busy” woman with her head buried in her phone is probably checking for hot guys on social media. Husband-material men are not looking for that.

Oh, and “resting bitch face”, as she puts it; is a huge turn-off: if we want a woman who brings joy onto our lives, we’re not crossing the room for a woman who doesn’t know how to smile. Most women want a man who makes her laugh; most men want a woman who brings happiness and joy with her. Show us that you can.

3:00 “Larry the Lame” – aaaand here comes the name-calling. Too often we hear complaints that “Men aren’t masculine anymore”, and now she’s saying that a man who approaches without permission is “Larry the lame”? Make up your mind!

3:20 Then she goes on to say: “I don’t want you to stereotype Larry…” But… you… just… did!

3:30 “Every Larry is lame as it pertains to character” So you can tell a man’s character based solely upon him walking up to you without waiting for an invitation?

4:20: “Gary the Good Guy.. that’s the guy you should be talking to“. I call shenanigans. I used to be that guy. You left us in the friendzone in your early twenties when you went off to have fun. You ignored while you partied their way through your teens and twenties… and only started looking around for him when your looks started to fade. If you want one of these guys, you have to get him early, while you’re young. But you didn’t, did you?

4:50 “You are over online dating” So why were you there? Oh yes, fun and adventures (aka hookups) with hot guys. I rest my case.

5:05: “Half the guys online report to be more interested in more interested in being a hookup than a husband“. Only half? I’m shocked! So half the guys online dating are looking for a wife? I find that hard to believe. Color me surprised. I always assumed that online dating was a meat market. But any road up, if he wants to be a hookup rather than a husband, he does not consider you wife material, and never did, and is using you for pleasure. There is one simple way to weed them out: Don’t sleep with them! Problem solved.

5:18 “…and many of the other guys online misrepresent themselves…” And women don’t? Social media is rife with pictures of women that were taken ten years, thirty pounds and three babies ago. Or so I’m told. And don’t get me started on make-up, artful poses and filters.

Yeah, men are so deceitful.

6:10: “When I interview bachelors, I axe them What is the worst thing you have ever done to a woman you love?” This is intellectually dishonest and one-sided. It is true that running up her credit cards, impregnating another woman and physical abuse are signs of a low-quality man, but sticking with a man who did that is a sign of a low-quality woman, and she never addresses that. Oh, and while you’re at it, why not “axe” the ladies the same question? Probably because you don’t want to hear the answer. Oh, and stop saying “axe” when you mean “ask”!

7:20: “So although he knows you deserve better…” This is bunk. He knows no such thing.  “You deserve better” is something women routinely say to each other, but men universally understand that you deserve what you can get, and nothing more. Ladies, stop talking about what you (think you) deserve.

She then paints a picture of a shy, awkward woman who would rather put up with a bad, abusive manipulative man than have to start again, then ends with “you won’t be home stressed, you’ll be out with the next”.

It all goes downhill from there.

• She talks at length about how to approach men, but fails to address how to handle the inevitable rejection that too many of these women will face when the approach men who are not interested in them, or men they “choose” who refuse to “chase”.
• She talks about men appreciating a woman who is strong, confident and charming (“That’s a man, baby!”) and other “equality” twaddle.
• She then teaches women to use the same “pick-up” game that women seem to universally demonize when men do it.
• She talks about her “Bae” (who is obviously *not* her husband).

Ladies, if you are serious about finding a quality husband, here is the Wizard’s advice:

1. Don’t wait. No, you don’t have time, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. The average woman has about twelve years of “hot” (attractive enough to marry), followed by about fifty years of “not”, so the decisions she makes during those twelve years are critical. Yes, there are exceptions; no, you’re probably not one of them. The most cursory of observation shows that too many women misuse that almost-magical power to party through their their teens and twenties with Billy Badboy and his friends, then go looking for Gordon Goodguy when she is “ready for marriage” (by an amazing coincidence, this is usually when Billy and his friends lose interest in her). This plan doesn’t work for diligent, disciplined, dutiful, quality men with options; we want your twenties, so don’t come to us at 35 and offer us bad-boy leftovers. When it comes to long-term commitment, we want to be your first choice, not your last resort.
2. Stay Slim. Women are generally not attracted to men who are short, puny, lazy or broke. This is natural and reasonable. But women are not the ones who have deal-breakers, and top-quality men, like attractive women, can afford to be picky. Such men are generally not attracted to women who are fat, sassy, bold, brassy, bossy, busy, and selfish. For some reason, those same women with a long list of bullet-points of what constitutes “the perfect guy” find this to be unfair.
3. Be Real. Nothing says “good men stay away” like tattoos, piercings and unnatural hair coloring. The fewer tattoos and piercings you have, the more likely you will be considered to be potential wife material. Yes, we know you don’t like it. No, we don’t care.
4. Understand your value. These days it seems that women almost universally overestimate their attractiveness; the cute ones think that they are pretty, the pretty ones think they are gorgeous. Maybe it’s social media, broadcast media, or well-meaning friends and family. But whatever the cause, it has become so bad that “six-nine syndrome” – where a girl is above-average but thinks that she is a drop-dead-gorgeous – is a thing. The reason that this is a problem is because it fools women into pursuing men who are not really interested in them, but may choose to use them for pleasure for a while before discarding them and moving on. You have been warned.
5. Don’t confuse casual sexual interest with marriage interest. To misquote Forrest Gump: “Marriage is like a box of chocolates; all the good ones are gone first“. And if you wait too long, all that’s left will be some half-eaten toffees and the Nougat that nobody wants. In America, the average female loses her virginity at 15. Men will get physical with promiscuous women, but will not marry them. Understand that if he sees you as promiscuous he will not marry you. Nor should he.
6. Don’t take advice from people who are just as lost as you are. Too many single women take their advice from other single women. Seek out happily married women. Or better yet, listen to your Granny. She knows what she’s talking about.