Three truths and a lie

Why Women File 80 Percent of Divorces

I recently ran across this piece, which states – correctly – that the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women. Paradoxically, the main reason given in such cases is not usually one of the three A’s (Abuse/Adultery/Abandonment), but is usually given as “irretrievable breakdown”, “Irreconcilable differences”, or something similarly non-specific. I strongly suspect that such reasons are chick-speak for “I’m not happy”.

On the whole, three-quarters of it is quite well-written and factual, but at the end there are a list of helpful tips on keeping one’s wife happy, which I reproduce below:

What I find most disturbing about this collection of suggestions is the portrayal of a husband as an emotionally weak, insecure, timid milksop who spends his waking hours running around looking for ways to “keep her happy”. I would bet money that this part was written by a woman, as this wish list only tells half of the story — the female half. So it falls to yours truly to tell the other half of the story. Here is the same list again, with my comments.

  • He can tell his wife that he loves her. Not so fast, Bucko. Those three words have a lot of power; so use them sparingly, Padawan. When a man tells a woman that he loves her, he is giving up his power and weakening himself before her. And if there is one thing that universally turns women off, it is supplicating behavior from men. “You complete me” only works in the movies.
  • He can show his wife he loves her. Close, but no cigar; while flirting with ones wife is certainly a good idea, one of the best ways for a man to show he loves his wife is by leading and protecting her. This will occasionally mean holding her accountable. If she doesn’t like that, then perhaps marriage is not for her…
  • He can talk and listen to his wife because she has important things to say and is an equal partner in their marriage. Say what? It is a documented fact that women say a lot more than men. Most husbands are drowning in a sea of words, trying to pluck some meaning from the flotsam and jetsam. If she wants to barf up a thousand words of  emotional drama, she should share those feelings with her female friends who are better equipped to handle such content. . Here’s a better idea, ladies, approach your husband as a Captain approaching an Admiral, or a Queen addressing her King. Choose your words carefully. Get the picture?
  • He can talk to his wife and share with her struggles, achievements, thoughts, and dreams. Errr… that’s your job, honey. That’s sounds more like the job description of a wife than that of a husband.
  • He can acknowledge her (in a non-sexual way – touching her arm, stroking her back, tucking her hair behind her ear. What’s in it for him? And she can acknowledge him in a decidedly sexual way. Or did you forget that part? See how that works?
  • He can anticipate her needs by making her life a little bit easier — loading the dishwasher, wiping off the table, making her lunch the night before. This will not end well. Viewed biblically, his job is to lead and be responsible, while her job is to help and be supportive. There is also research out there that concludes that couples who separate domestic tasks along gender lines get… er…  freaky more often. While it is good for a man to know how to do all of these things, it is not a good idea to give her an excuse to abdicate them permanently. Bottom line, be a man, not a “kitchen bitch”; you’ll both be happier.
  • He can remember that his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world (and make sure that she knows that he knows it). You have got to be kidding. This is bad advice on so many levels. ” Reward her appropriately when she has earned it, but don’t overdo it. Women need validation and attention, but it is female nature to want what you cannot have; if you praise her too much, she it will inflate her ego and she may decided to seek validation and attention elsewhere. Your attention is valuable; make her work for it. Oh, and if your woman goes fishing for compliments, just look at her funny, say “I married you, didn’t I? with a boyish smirk and a twinkle in your eye, offer her a spanking for being a Bad Girl™, and go about your business.
  • He can recharge her battery when she is tired and worn out. And…? Every husband should learn rudimentary massage skills. And every wife should be appropriately appreciative.
  • He can help her soar by encourage her in her dreams and through supporting her endeavors. You again! That’s sounds more like the job description of a wife than that of a husband.
  • He can recognize the small and simple things. Above my pay grade, honey. Men think big, heroic thoughts, and dream of deeds of derring-do. When is the last time you told your husband that he is your hero? I thought so.

In conclusion, this section reeks of weak, feminized “Happy-wife-happy-life” thinking. Here are some examples.

  • “Her is lucky to have me”
  • “I deserve so much better”
  • “I deserve to have everything I want”

Men, if you hear thoughts like that escaping a woman’s mouth, run. People like that don’t stay satisfied, or married for very long.

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